The Worst Day of Jasper's Immorality
by fadedloveletters941
Summary: Jasper has a really bad day. He uses hair removal cream in his hair, he's forced to go to depression group sessions and is made fun of by many people. extremely funny. Read and Review.
1. Bad Start

**Jasper's POV**

Chapter 1 - Bad Start

When sunrise hit, I decided to get an early start to get ready for school. I was going to take a nice, long soak in the bathtub to relax myself. I really needed it. I was jealous of Bella and Edward. Alice and I didn't have that kind of connection ever since she called me gay. I needed something to take my mind off that.

I walked into the bathroom and filled up the tub with hot water. I looked in the cabinet and found some pink liquid in a bottle. It wasn't labeled, so I assumed it was bubble bath. I opened the bottle and took a whiff. It smelled nice. I poured the whole bottle into the tub, undressed myself and slowly lowered myself into the tub. The aroma filled the bathroom.

As I sat in the tub, I thought of school. I heard some rumors that Jessica and Mike were calling me a homosexual. It was very disturbing. I didn't want to think about that now. It was giving me wrinkles. _Could vampires get wrinkles? Hmm… I don't know… _I decided I'd better not take too long, because I shared this bathroom with Rosalie and she wouldn't bee too happy that I got here first. She likes her morning showers.

I stood up and pulled the shower curtains so that I could turn on the shower without water flooding the bathroom. Carlisle wouldn't be too happy if that happened considering the last three floods I'd caused. I would be banned from taking showers till the Volturi decided to dismember me one day like Alice had seen in her vision.

I needed to wash my beautiful blond locks. I looked around and there was only one bottle of shampoo. Rosalie had used all one my Pantene Pro-V. The shampoo bottle read _Nair_. I shrugged and opened the bottle anyways, pouring the whole on my head. It smelled like lemon. Yummy… I was going to smell lemony fresh. I bet Alice would like that. I smiled just thinking of it.

Just then, I felt a burning sensation on my head and quickly rinsed out the shampoo. It must have been some really strong shampoo!

After I showered, I grabbed a towel and dried myself off. Then I put a towel on my head and quickly got dressed. Rosalie was going to have my head and burn me alive. I mean immortal… Whatever…

When I got dressed, I headed downstairs, listening to everyone talking and laughing. I wanted to see what was so funny.

"Jasper, take that towel off your head, you sissy," Emmett chortled.

I yanked the towel off my head and a cool breeze on my head. I heard everyone gasp and all their mouths hung open. Was it something I did?

"JASPER HALE!" Alice shouted. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?!"

"Hahaha! Nice trick, man!" Emmett laughed hysterically.

"My, baby!" Esme yelled. "What did you do to your hair, Jazz?"

I looked at myself in the mirror that hung on the wall in the hallway. Sure as hell, they were right. I was bald. If I were human, I probably would have gone into a coma. I looked like hairless cat.

"Nice going, Jasper," Edward snickered. "You look like Carlisle's old colleague, Richard after he decided to shave his head."

"What did you use in your hair?" Rosalie yelled.

"Some shampoo called Nair or something," I replied, trying to remember.

"Oh, lord," Renesmee said. "Uncle Jasper, that's my waxing cream that I use for hair removal! Why didn't you read the bottle first?"

"Nessie, please," I said. "I feel bad enough. I look like a freak."

"You passed freak ages ago," Emmett mumbled, still chuckling. "You're verging on super-freak."

I felt so bad, I wanted to scream and dismember myself, if that was possible… I would have to ask Carlisle…

"Jasper, please don't do that ever again," Bella pleaded. "You're giving Renesmee a bad example like the bad influence you are. I don't want Renesmee using waxing cream as shampoo."

"Bella, you do realize that Nessie is way smarter than Jasper. She should be his example," Emmett replied, rolling on the floor laughing.

"Jasper, honey," Esme said. "We need to talk to you anyways."

"About what, Esme?" I asked curiously. Was my family disowning me or something?"


	2. Group

Chapter 2 – Group

"Jasper, sweetheart," Esme began. "We've noticed that you've been cutting low on blood and you've been really depressed, so we signed you up for the Eating Disorder, Body Therapy & Depression Group. You must go twice a week."

Emmett found this funny. "JASPER'S BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ANOREXIA!"

"I do not need to go to some stupid group, Esme!" I retorted. "I am just fine."

"You will go," Carlisle replied. "You need to if you don't want to be dismembered."

"I don't want to go!" I said as I walked over to Esme.

"Dude, you smell like toilet bowl cleaner!" Emmett laughed. "Did you bathe in Mr. Clean?"

"Was it the liquid, honey?" Esme asked.

"Yes, Esme, it was. It smelled nice!" I replied, smiling. "That's my favorite bubble bath!" I was giddy for the first time in a century.

"THAT WAS TOILET BOWL CLEANER, JAZZ!" Alice shouted. "Do you want to somehow murder yourself?"

"I knew he was a bad influence on my child," Bella whispered. "Renesmee, stay away from Uncle Jasper!"

"Momma," Renesmee replied. "I'm way ahead of you. I have the things packed up. I want to move in with Jacob."

"You can't do that yet, darling."

I felt like a freak amongst the eight infallible people sitting in the room. Was I a freak? I was feeling insecure.

"Let's lock him up in the loony bin!" Suggested Rosalie.

Maybe I did belong there… Was it a mental facility for mythical creatures? Maybe I'd see Leah there…

"Do they have TV?" I asked. "I like watching my medical shows."

"Yes, they do, idiot," replied Edward. "You'll fit in just fine. Maybe you'll be the ringleader."

"Daddy's right, Uncle Jazz," Nessie replied. "You'll have so much fun. You'll be with some nice eighty year old women. They're more your type anyways."

"Is that better than group?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. I wondered…

"My son is not crazy," Esme said loudly. "He's just different."

"It's time for group, Jasper," Carlisle said. "I'll drive you to the hospital now."

"WHOA, HOLD UP!" Alice said. "This group is in the hospital? Who are the supervisors? Male nurses?"

"No, social workers, sweetie," Esme replied. "Jasper will be just fine."

"We have to go, Jasper," Carlisle replied. "You'll be late and the social worker will get the wrong impression."

"Okay," I sighed. Was I really crazy?

I walked over to the closet and grabbed my coat. Carlisle was already waiting for me by the front door. I quickly slipped on my coat and ran to the door. I said goodbye to everyone and walked over to Carlisle's car.

"Okay, get in, son," Carlisle said, getting into the driver's seat.

I opened the door and sat inside, thinking and before you knew it, we were there.

"Have a good time and be good, Jasper," Carlisle said, patting me on the head.

"Okay, Carlisle," I responded.

"Don't forget to hold your breath!"

"Okay, Carlisle."

I walked into the hospital and went over to the old lady at the information desk.

"Hi, grandma," I said, smiling my best smile. Was she the social worker?

"Uhm, hello sweetheart," The old lady said. "Do you need some help?"

"Do you know where the Eating Disorder, Body Therapy & Depression Group is?"

"It is upstairs on the third floor in room three hundred."

"Thanks, grandma," I replied, grinning from ear to ear.

"You're welcome, son," The old lady said.

I pranced along to the elevator and pressed the button. Boy, it took long! The elevator soon came and I went in and pressed the button for the third floor and before you knew it, I was there. But there was a problem… I forgot the room number…_ I think the lady said three-oh-one…_

I soon found room three-oh-one and opened the door. An old man was sitting on the bed and eating something.

"Juanita, is that you?" The old man asked loudly.

"No, this is Jasper," I replied. "Is this the Eating Disorder, Body Therapy & Depression Group?"

"What?" The man yelled. He must have been deaf.

"IS THIS THE EATING DISORDER, BODY THERAPY AND DEPRESSION GROUP?" I yelled.

"NO, SON," The man replied. "THIS IS JUST MY ROOM. I'M BOB!"

"Nice to meet you, Bob, but I have to go!" I said.

"Bye, Juanita!"

"Farewell, Bob!"

I walked out of the room and then remembered the door number! Room three hundred!

I soon found the room and opened the door.

"Okay, kids—" The social worker stopped talking.

"Hi," I greeted. "Is this the Eating Disorder, Body Therapy & Depression Group?"

"Yes, it is," The lady replied. "What's your name? Are you on the list?"

"I'm Jasper Hale."

"Okay, sit down, Jasper. We were just getting to know each other."

I sat down next to a chubby girl with brown hair and a Hello Kitty t-shirt.

I looked around the room. I was the only guy here and everyone was staring at me and whispering. What was wrong with me?

"Okay, kids," The lady said. "We are going to introduce ourselves one by one starting from you." She pointed to a girl with long black hair and black lipstick.

"I'm Black Death," The girl said in a deep voice.

"Let's all say hi to Black Death," The lady instructed.

"Hi, Black Death," We all said in unison.

The teacher pointed to the next girl who had long blonde hair and big blue eyes.

"I'm Lauren Willis," She said shyly.

"Hi, Lauren Willis," We all said together.

The teacher pointed to the next girl which was a girl with a paper bag on her head.

"I'm Henrietta Jones," She whispered.

"Hi, Henrietta Jones," we all greeted.

Next, she pointed to the obese girl next to me.

"I'm Shirley Anne Lillian Bartholomew Huntington Davidson," She said gently.

"Hi, Shirley…" We all said.

The teacher pointed to the last girl. A girl wearing and outfit covered in feathers. She looked like a chicken!

"I'm Bailey Oxford," She said.

"Hi, Bailey Oxford."

Then the lady spoke up. "I'm Miss Cook and will be your teacher and/or guidance counselor, if you like to think of it that way."

"Hi Miss Cook," We all said.

"Okay, kids," She began. "First we will talk about our favorite foods."

She pointed to Henrietta first.

"I like water," She said timidly.

"Uh, okay," Miss Cook replied.

She asked a few other girls and came to me.

"I like blood," I said giddily. "It's yummy."

Everyone looked like every drop of blood was drained out of them…

"HE'S A MONSTER!" Shirley screamed.

And then the room got chaotic…


End file.
